you aren't ready for this.
I'm too much for you.
You know me now, but you didn't know me then, and then (as much as i try to deny it) is so much of me now. I came into this world an old woman.
woman- because thats how i was born. Female, Girl, Baby doll... a little tiny vagina and baby fingers unable to grip the idea of two. two things. One boy, one girl. I had mothers. I was held by 5 mothers, 12 year old mothers, 9 year old mothers, boy mothers. they all wanted me to be so fragile and beautiful. they wanted me to be the best of them all.
Old- that happened a few minutes after i was born. A late arrival, catching up. Winning over the affection of everyone, adn the goals in mind to keep me the best of all the little ones. I had to be the best, so i was. had to be, so i was. it is simple. i work hard i play hard i don't work at all, and play play play. I was writing before i even knew how. I was telling stories into tape recorders and doing my routines on teh front porch of the neighbors. I was witty. and alive. red hair, curls. I didn't stop there. i kept kicking things over and smiling on cue. I kept the entire block in love with me.
all of this makes this. I am not a sad girl who sits in her room and writes. I am not a wild crazy girl who gets tattoos and drunk at 4pm. I am not a slut, becuase i like attention. i'm still winning over. being the best of the bunch. its who i am. its how i was born.
old.
woman.